Nothing really i guess

Writing things down or in this case typing things down is a good way to let out what your feeling or your just so high you wanna type exactly what your thinking....in my case anyway. I'm listening to Wake me up when september ends...first thing that always comes to mind when i first hear it reminds me of my grandmommy,i miss her smile, it was so sweet,then i think... didnt someone once tell me this was nick and arlanas song...then from there i get a trigger of thoughts about both ex's and their relationship.I cant help but i feel i need to compete with them and be better but as hard as i try i cant and i know he does love me but what if he loved them just a little bit more...Im not sure why i am this way i never thought of him and arlana until he started staring at her right in front of me...like ouch...then theres that dirty skank mel i hate her with a passion, not like i wish she died or something cause thats just fucked but i guess i just wish she never was a part of nicks life. i feel as though that would bring me some kind of secure feeling about our relationship.I still think about what he said to her i just dont understand how he could do that...he destroyed what i thought was a perfect relationship whatever she got what was coming to her, i watched her kiss a shoe, at the time i had no idea she had a previous relationship but it just makes it so much sweeter now when i think of it. Normally i would feel sorry for her getting involved with her bf ryan, but then it makes me happy to know that he did something to her to make nick never want her at least i hope he doesnt want her, she is dirty!


Its hard to explain how you feel about a person...can you really describe love? My mom said to me today that i would feel worthless without nick and first i denied but then i thought you care about nick a hell of a lot to so ya i would feel pretty fucking shitty about losing him. He wants to know what i want for christmas, id proabably like some kind of jewelry i guess with a cute msg on it like the classic i love you and then something else on the other side like NF & BB like braclet or a necklace just a little reminder of what he feels for me but i dont think Nick would ever come up with that i dont think hes that kind of guy and that kinda defeats the purpose of the gift. Which is ok cause i love him. Its a great feeling when someone you love displays affection for you like little random kisses or telling you i love you 17 times in a row....17 i love yous are ok but id settle for like 3 times or say my love instead anything but 17 times in a row...kisses are sweet though.
~~~Brenna